A bird in chains.

Vital has come and gone, the weekend passed really fast and was filled with so much fun. I miss him. I hope his trip left a mark in him, kind of sure it did, but you never know.

School is eating me alive, I'm not sure I think this is fun, it's interesting but is it for me? I want to be in school, that much I know, and I want a degree, just not that sure it's in nursing. With that said, I've applied for two new educations. Let's see where that takes me. It's groundbreaking really, since I haven't applied for school in Malmö, my hometown, where most of all the people I know are, my family are.
I just need to get out of "home" for a while, 3-4 years should account for a while don't you think? I'm not getting anywhere here, I feel stuck and smothered, and I just can't fly anymore, think I forgotten how too.

Broke and broken.

I'm just not so sure about this school thing. Nothing like what I was expecting, it drains me quite a lot. I'm not sure what to do really. I know myself, and I'm not a quitter, but I don't want this to take a hold of me. Been talking to some people that are close to me, but it's the usual "You can make it, just put a little effort! It will be worth it!" or "Well, take a break then and get back on that horse later". Been thinking about this break thing, could that be the way? But in this economy, how easy is it to find a job? And how weak would I be if I needed a break after only a year has passed? There is just so much I want to do, stuff I can't really do if I'm stuck at school, pushing myself to the border. I remember how 12th grade ended, I was burned out, trying to escape anything that demanded effort, it ruined me. I just feel lost sometimes, broke and broken.
Is this something I want? Is there a nurse in me? I was so quick on jumping aboard I think I forgot to feel what I wanted.

A connection

I'm in love.
Those words, they can really make a difference, a change. This is a man I connect with really well, a man I actually trust and feel safe with. It feels really good, it feels like a change in me, he moves me in such a way, can honestly say I never felt it like this before. When he looks into my eyes with those enormous puppy dog eyes I feel my knees tremble, my troubles far away. And when he kisses me it's true, passionate and becomes more than just a kiss, it becomes a connection.
I have a lot of shit to deal with at the moment, and I feel secure enough to lash out when he's around, no pokerface, just me, a human being plain and simple, not a lot of fake smiles or constant thinking. It's amazing. It's genuine. It's completely and utterly scary.

It's me.

Lets try this again shall we, third time is the charm they say.
This time, it's total honesty. Once more I've read through my past and seen it filled with strong comments with no backbone, total wordplay with a agenda behind it.

I'm not going to blabber on about what has happened to me this past year or two, at least not right now. Seems unrelevent at the time being. But reckon it will sneak past now and again. If not, if you know me, you'll probably get what I'm talking about anyway.

This feels good. Writing, this is me.